I’m 38 years old, but I feel about 80. Over the last couple of months, I’ve had more doctor’s appointments and seen the inside of more hospital rooms than I care to think about. The hospital train doesn’t seem to be slowing down anytime soon. There are days when I cry. There are days when I rant and rave and scream about the unfairness of it all. There are also days when I try to forget all my medical issues and focus on being happy. The happy days are few and far between, but I still celebrate and welcome them. My mother passed away recently and that along with my current medical situation has me contemplating death quite a bit. Settle down, I don’t know that I’m climbing the stairway to heaven anytime soon. This is assuming I won’t be descending a lower, hotter staircase (don’t judge, I might see some of ya’ll down there as well.) I’ve already experienced Hell in the form of my son’s PlayStation and Fortnite, so I know the devil truly is alive and well.
Look back on your life and think about this: Have you ever kept your mouth shut when you shouldn’t have? Ever let people bully you or make you feel bad? For most of us, I’m fairly confident the answer is yes. If you can say no to both questions, God bless you, Susan. You’re amazing. You’re everything I aspire to be. I’ve always tried to keep my mouth shut and avoid conflict. Many times, it was at the expense of my own feelings. However, after realizing that I’m living on borrowed time (we ALL are), I have to ask myself why? Why don’t I stand up for myself more often? Let me be clear, I’m not suggesting we all wear boxing gloves to the grocery store and punch people who skip us in line. Looking for conflict is even worse than avoiding it. But if I feel disrespected or belittled or bullied, I will no longer keep my mouth shut. This is a promise I’m making to myself because life is short and I’m not here for your shit. You shouldn’t tolerate mine, either. Will arguing lead to some uncomfortable moments? Yes, for sure. Does arguing resolve all hurt feelings? No, not always. However, I guarantee you’ll feel better after airing your grievances (Festivus…look it up). There is NOTHING worse than bottling feelings inside yourself for days, weeks or years. I promise one day your ass will explode like a champagne bottle on New Year’s Eve. That’s not fair to yourself or those around you.
I am no longer here for negativity. We all have bad days. They’re a part of life. There’s nothing quite like coming home from a particularly rough work day and venting to your spouse, best friend, etc. We’re all negative at times. However, if you’re surrounded by negativity constantly, it’s time to break free. If a friendship or relationship feels like a boulder weighing you down, just say no. Cut the cord and take your life back. Don’t allow yourself to be dragged into someone else’s misery.
Live your life the way you want to. Eat the cake. Don’t play Fortnite (ever, seriously, no!!). Say what you mean. Don’t be fake. Scare yourself. Take risks. Most importantly, no Fortnite. Ever. I can’t stress that enough.