5 Reasons The Past Ten Days Have Sucked

I am the mother of a tiny six-year-old boy. I am also “mother” to a 71 year old woman who happens to be my mom. It’s been over a week since my mom was admitted to the hospital after having a seizure. For the past ten days, I have been attempting to walk a very thin tightrope between being at the hospital with my mother and being at home with my son. I also have a wonderful husband who has to be put aside for a bit while I try to figure this out. Oh, yeah, there’s a full time job too. So. This sucks. I’m not writing this because I want you to feel sorry for me. I’m not writing this because I feel like whining ( well, maybe a little.) I’m writing this because: It. Sucks. Yes, I realize my choice of words aren’t the most eloquent. If you’re looking for Shakespeare, you’ve got the wrong blog. If you’re looking for honesty, here it is. Five reasons the past ten days have SUCKED:

1) My son saw my mom’s seizure. People, there’s a reason we play Tooth Fairy/Santa Claus/Easter Bunny with our kids. We want them to remain kids as long as possible. Of course we know they will eventually have to grow up and be faced with horrific choices (Trump or Clinton? How about vodka? Vodka,2016. That’s a vote we can all agree on.) Bad experiences are a part of life. But why did my kid have to see this seizure at the age of six? I wish he could have gone another few years without a care in the world. It is what it is. But it sucks.

2) That hospital smell. You know it and I know it. My kid won’t even hug me anymore because I smell like Grey’s Anatomy (not, unfortunately, like Patrick Dempsey.) That smell is on my clothes, in my hair, even in my car. It’s become a part of me. And it sucks.

3) 98 percent of my mom’s nurses look like they’re nine years old. I see these children and I have to physically hold my mouth closed so I don’t ask the following questions: Do you know how to tie your shoes? Can you count to ten? Are you sure you know how to hook up an IV? Maybe you should call your mommy and have her do it. One of the young nurses commented on how tired I’ve been looking. She told me she knows the feeling because she feels the same way after going out drinking with her friends. She compared partying with her friends to my day spent feeding my mom, worrying about my mom, and worrying about my son. If these are the medical professionals we’ve got lined up, just hand me a scalpel if I ever need surgery. I’ll fix my own heart. For every young drunken nurse, however, there have been 10 wonderful, caring, compassionate nurses. I am so grateful to them.

4)I’m so tired I can’t see straight. I’m only writing this because laying down to sleep means being alone with my racing thoughts. That sucks.

5)Here’s what sucks most of all: When I’m with my mom at the hospital, I feel like a shitty mom to my son. When I’m with my son, I feel like a shitty daughter. I KNOW I’ve been a shitty wife. All I know is that I’m trying my best to please everyone. I suck at it.

Thanks for reading this garbage. I will read this blog entry in a few days and realize how awful it is. I’m not even thinking clearly right now. I am being honest, though. So that’s something.