Its right around the corner: back to school time. For some parents, this is a joyous occasion. Although we loved spending time with the little tykes over the summer, we look forward to being able to pee without an audience. For others, well, we’re still looking forward to peeing alone, but this time of year is fraught with tears, kicks, and screams. This will be my third school year as a member of the second group of parents and I know that I’m not alone.
The year my son started 4 year old kindergarten will go down in history as the most exhausting year of my life. Some moms are snickering and saying, “Whatever, lady, just wait until he’s a teenager,” but let me explain. My husband and I were the lucky parents who didn’t need daycare because I was able to work from home. On the days I had to go into work, my mother-in-law watched my son and it was perfect. We were saving money and I was able to spend time with my child. In the back of my mind, I considered the fact that the start of school would be challenging on many levels. I knew my child might find it difficult to socialize with other kids and I knew there might be some separation anxiety as he navigated a totally different environment. I was not, however, prepared to go into an epic battle that would make Game of Thrones look like Sesame Street.
My husband and I picked out a school, registered our son, and prepared to drop him off for his first day of school ever. On the morning of his first day, my little one woke up with a bright smile. The smile stayed in place all the way to school and drop off was a success. I of course spent the entire day in a puddle of tears and nerves, jumping every time my phone rang because I was sure the school was calling to tell me my kid was hysterical and his teacher decided to quit her job because she just couldn’t take it anymore. I eventually picked my son up, he told me his day was great and I almost fainted with relief. This is sooooo easy!! He’s fine, he had a great day! Parenting is SOOO simple.
Day 2: I glided into my son’s bedroom, gently shook him awake and informed him that it was time for school in a way that would make Mary Poppins jealous. He opened his eyes, slowly sat up, and said, “What, you mean I have to go back?! NOOOOO! WAHH!” OMG, kid, WTF?! Of course you have to go back. You can’t stay here! I have to work and pee by myself!! This was all so magical yesterday! What happened? I then realized that dragging someone to a car “kicking and screaming” is not an expression. This became a way of life for me. Not once did anyone, ANYONE, tell me I might need a helmet for protection while attempting to get my kid in the car! I thought about buying his teacher a crowbar because that’s what the poor woman needed to pry him off of me! It was awful. So I asked for advice from teachers, friends, and colleagues,and here’s what I did:
1) Dragging the boy to the car every morning was not working for obvious reasons. I started putting little trinkets in his car seat as a surprise. A sticker, a penny, a small plastic toy. Anything to get his butt in that car. He did look forward to his car seat surprise every morning and that’s what I was banking on.
2) I used end of the week rewards. “If you can make it through this week, buddy, mommy will take you on a trip to Bali.” Bali to him is the Walmart toy section, but you get what I mean. An end of the week trip to a park or the pool at our gym was always a welcome treat if he could make it through the week without fussing.
3) I begged. My God, the begging I did. It was disgusting.
And last but not least,
4) I talked. So much talking. I talked to my son constantly about what it means to be a big boy going to school. I told him it’s ok if he missed me as I missed him too and I couldn’t wait to hear about his day when I picked him up. All true. Being away from your kid is tough and I shed plenty of my own tears during this time.
So. Did the tears stop flowing? Not completely, but things definitely improved over time. I’m forever grateful to everyone who gave me advice. There were tears at the start of five year old kindergarten but they didn’t last as long. This year the boy is starting first grade. I don’t know if he’ll cry, but I’m prepared to give him lots of love and support to help us BOTH get through the start of the school year.
I also plan on buying a helmet, just in case.