You are about to learn more about my life than you ever wanted to know. Please be forewarned. This is me trying to stop you from reading this. Don’t say I didn’t warn you or I’m not thinking about you. Ok? Still reading? Here we go…
Part of the reason I started this blog was to write about the experiences I have raising two kids. Yes, I have two. One just happens to be my 71 year old mother. My mother was officially diagnosed with dementia about 2 years ago. In lieu of placing her in a care facility, I have decided to do my best to care for her at home until it is no longer possible. I haven’t wanted to write about this because it is so damn difficult for me. My mother used to enjoy cooking, gardening, and cleaning the house to within an inch of its life. Cooking has now become dumping three cups of flour into the sink because she’s not sure what else to do. Gardening is dumping the soil out of a potted plant in the kitchen. Cleaning is moving dirty dishes around without using soap and water. My husband and I have taken every precaution to keep our home safe enough for her to wander around. We keep the knobs off the stove, anything dangerous high on a shelf so she’s not able to reach it, etc. My home consists of myself, my husband, my mother, my six year old son, and a dog. When I say that every day is special, I’m not kidding.
A typical day for me goes something like this: Anywhere between 2:30-4 a.m I’m up with my mom helping her use the bathroom. I’m usually in there just to make sure she washes her hands and keeps everything hygienic. I help her back to bed so she can sleep a bit more. Unfortunately, I usually am unable to. Every now and then I’ll lay back down, but I usually stay up because she’ll be using the bathroom again in an hour. If it’s a school day I’ll wake my son up at around 6 a.m. Then it happens like clockwork. Everyone in my house has to pee at 6 a.m. Why the hell does everyone have to pee at the same time when we only have one bathroom? I don’t know but here’s what happens: the boy and the Baba start fighting over who gets to pee first, then the dog starts barking because she has to pee also. Most days I’m so busy making sure everyone pees that I forget to go myself. If you ever see me in the morning and I look irritated, chances are that I have to use the bathroom and I’ve just forgotten. Please remind me if you want. Otherwise, just pray that I don’t wet myself during a work meeting or presentation. I’m extremely blessed my work schedule is flexible as it allows me to make sure my mom eats lunch. After lunch, I work some more, pick little one up from school, help him do his homework, make or warm dinner, help the boy and Baba shower, then kick a soccer ball until 6:30 when my husband gets home. Then I breathe a sigh of relief because there’s an adult present who seems like he knows what he’s doing. Lord knows I sure don’t.
Now comes the part where I answer all your questions: Am I crazy? Yes. Why haven’t I put my mom in a home yet? She is safe, she still knows her way around her home, and she still gets to see and play with her grandson. As soon as any of those things change, I know that I have a decision to make. Isn’t something suffering; your marriage, your son, your job? Possibly all three. My husband is a saint for what he puts up with. I’m sure there are days when my son would like to use the bathroom first. I expect to be fired every day. I constantly feel like I’m being pulled in 4 different directions. However, I don’t think that’s different from any other working mother. The situation may be different, but the feeling is the same. Do I ever think that I’m making a mistake? Every damn day.
There’s also this: My mom will not be here forever. The time I’m spending with her now is precious, even if I’m handing her toilet paper in the bathroom. My son has more empathy at the age of 6 than most adults I know. My heart melts every time he hands my mom her glasses and a magazine to look at. I don’t fully understand why my husband hasn’t run screaming out of our home, but I appreciate him and love him more every day. I wish I had more time to tell him this to his face. No matter how tired I am, there is always someone in a worse position than me. As crazy as things are, I am blessed with a wonderful family, especially a beautiful angel of a little boy. For this, I am beyond grateful.
Now if you’ll excuse me, there’s a line forming outside of the bathroom. I’m needed elsewhere.